I have lived here, loved here, argued here, studied here and struggled here. It has been my home for four years. It hasn’t always been easy and there were times I wanted to be anywhere but here.
But now it is ending. I am about to take my final exam. In three days, I will no longer belong here. I will no longer be a student. I’ll be…what? I don’t know yet. I could be a big shot CEO marketer, a hippy traveller, a mother and/or wife. Eventually, I will find my place. That thought does not make the uncertainty any less terrifying.
What will I miss? The fun, the smoke breaks, the laughs, the nights out. But I can’t help thinking of the things I am so glad to leave behind. The constant stress, that nagging anxiety at the back of my mind telling me to do this, or I’ll fail. The absolute morans/social retards that I had to deal with on a daily basis, the CA’s and cramming for exams.
I think of the people I am leaving behind.
The girl that I told everything to, who knows me better than I probably know myself; who has listened to me cry, laugh, love, bitch, moan. We think the same way. You basically finish my sentences, and we agree on almost every political issue. I don’t have to explain anything to you, you just get it. Everything is just effortless with us.
The boy who, although we have had a rough time recently, I can only remember the really good moments (that I miss) and somehow my mind has managed to block out all the fights and fundamental differences that led us to break up. He made me feel beautiful, fun, loved and passionate. I love every side of you. Happy-you, cranky-you, drunk-you, upset-you, passionate-you. I see the loveliness in every part of you, probably because it’s you.
All the random people who I have gotten drunk with/danced with/laughed with, that I perhaps may never see again as our friendship was not much closer than a facebook friend request. I guess I will be kept updated as they get their dream jobs, get married, have babies and scatter across the world.
I do feel sad about this, but its a good kind of sad, because the sadness means I have had significant relationships/ good times that are worthy of mourning.
I feel nostalgic, excited and quite scared. In three days, I will be ready to leave the place I’ve called home for good. I’ll try to hold back the tears. But I will also feel a huge sigh of happiness thinking about how much I’ve gone through these past four years, and feel proud. I did it.